Life Lessons from Cartoons

  1. Knowing is half the battle. No one has ever mentioned what the other half is, but I’m guessing it involves lasers.
  2. Some cars are more than meets the eye. Many people are less.
  3. If you call Captain Planet for help, he will tell you what to do, screw up, and you’ll have to do all the hard work anyway. This is basically how middle management works.
  4. A rat can raise four turtles and no one bats an eye, but if you dress your dog in a hoodie, it’s “weird”.
  5. The Thundercats were all buck naked through the entire first episode, and no one cares. Mention that a coloring error makes it look like Jessica Rabbit has a landing strip, and people will wear out the pause button on their remotes.
  6. Hate Scrappy Doo all you want, but I bet he’s solved more crimes than you have.
  7. Inspector Gadget was a baby boomer walking around with technology he couldn’t operate, constantly getting his ass saved by his millennial niece. We really should have paid closer attention to this dynamic.
  8. Perspective is everything. A subpar Transformer is a badass Go-Bot.
  9. Friendships can be made over two people knowing the lyrics to Disney Afternoon show theme songs, and broken over trying to agree on which show is best. Pick your battles carefully.
  10. Man, there really are way more cartoons aimed at boys than there are at girls, huh?

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